Feelings - Part 2
Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of All the Feelings
With all due respect to happiness, in my opinion, it gets way too much hype and attention. It's in the United States Declaration of Independence, for goodness sake!! Only after being alive and being free, we’re informed that happiness is the next thing to obtain. Ask a parent what they want for their child and the most common answer is, "for them to be happy."
What is this fascination, if not obsession, with happy in our culture? And why do we value happy above all other feelings?
One option is a simple answer to this question - we feel good when we're happy. Take a moment, right now, and think of a time when you felt happy. Feel the memory and notice how it moves through your body. People often report feeling warm as they savor their happy memories. We smile, involuntarily, as we remember and feel those feelings and recall those memories again.
Let me be clear - I'm not anti happy. I'm just pro all feelings. I love a good happy feeling as much as the next person. However, I also love a good sad feeling. It's okay, you can read it again if you need to. It's not a typo. I love a good sad feeling. I can hear you now... "ugh... Jessica, what's a GOOD sad feeling?"
Have you ever felt so sad about something it makes you feel like you can't stay vertical anymore. And you lay down, maybe curl up. It washes over you. Maybe you cry. Maybe you stare. Maybe you think it will never end. But it does. And then do you know what most people report feeling? Better. Relief. A weight lifted. If we're only chasing happiness, we don't give ourselves the opportunity to feel sad (or any of the other "bad" feelings) - and we miss the relief of releasing the hard emotion. We avoid and escape and numb and run away from hard feelings... but the crucial thing to notice is that doing all that work to avoid "bad" feelings doesn't actually bring us happiness - it usually brings stress and overwhelm and a lot of effort to escape a feeling because we don't want to feel it.
Let me also be clear that I'm not talking about diagnoses. I have deep compassion for individuals who strive for happy because they know the depths and darkness of depression or the panic and worry of anxiety. Depression is a mental health diagnosis, not a feeling. And there are ways to brave experiencing difficult feelings without experiencing a depression episode.
It seems to be a common thought that there's happy and all the other "bad" feelings. I'm here to work to change that way of thinking with people. There are no bad feelings - all feelings are good feelings. All feelings are for feeling. All feelings are information. They inform us of important things happening in our body, our environment, and in our relationships.
It is easier said than done. Yes. Most things are. In fact, I'm often saying, "It's simple - but not easy." That definitely applies to feeling all feelings. Walking alongside individuals as they truly feel their feelings is one of my favorite parts of being a therapist.
If this seems odd, intriguing, terrifying, or exciting and you think you're ready to start exploring all your feelings instead of judging and avoiding them if they're not the "good" ones, reach out to Wild Hope today to get started with one of our awesome therapists. I know I'm biased, but I think we're all pretty great.
Wishing you all the feels,
Jessica